How to Prepare for a High-Conflict Child Custody Case
Emotions can run high when children are at the center of a divorce. When disagreements between parents escalate and every conversation turns into a confrontation, it’s clear the case isn’t going to be simple. In these situations, preparation matters more than ever.
At the Law Office of Shabbick & Stehle, we stand with families during their most challenging times—helping you create a solid strategy for your child custody case. When you work with us, you can feel confident knowing that skilled family law attorneys are fighting for what matters most to you and your children. We understand what's at stake, and we're committed to pursuing the best possible outcome for your family law case.
What to Expect in a High-Conflict Custody Dispute
A high-conflict child custody case often includes ongoing arguments, parental alienation, inconsistent communication, and sometimes false accusations. These cases can become emotionally charged, legally demanding, and time-consuming. That’s why it’s important to approach every step with clarity and a clear focus on the child’s well-being.
The best approach is to get ahead of the situation by learning what judges value most when making these decisions:
Parental involvement: Courts review how engaged each parent has been in the child’s life, before and after the separation.
Communication efforts: Willingness to cooperate with the other parent, even in tense situations, reflects positively.
Stability at home: A judge may consider work schedules, living arrangements, and school stability when determining custody.
Any safety concerns: Domestic violence, substance abuse, or previous CPS investigations often shift the direction of the case.
Start With a Clear Legal Strategy
When you prepare and organize your case from the start, you gain a real advantage in high-conflict custody battles. This isn't about scrambling to answer every attack thrown your way—it's about taking control of the narrative and making sure your child's well-being stays at the center of everything.
Here’s how we recommend parents begin preparing:
Create a timeline of events: Document important incidents, missed visits, or concerning behavior that might affect the custody arrangement.
Gather communication records: Save texts, emails, and voicemails that show attempts to coordinate with the other parent—or highlight concerning behavior.
Collect school and medical records: These materials can demonstrate who’s been actively involved in the child’s education and healthcare.
List witnesses if needed: Teachers, doctors, neighbors, or childcare providers may offer helpful information about parental involvement or household conditions.
We can help structure this material so it’s clear, well-organized, and aligned with Pennsylvania family court expectations.
Keep the Focus on the Child’s Well-Being
In every child custody case, the court’s primary concern is what is in the best interest of the child, not what either parent believes they deserve. It’s important to avoid letting emotions dominate conversations or actions during the process.
That means:
Avoiding social media rants or posts: Public statements—even ones meant to vent—can be used against you.
Not involving the child in disputes: Kids should never be made to choose or hear one parent criticize the other.
Being respectful in court and in communication: A calm, measured tone reinforces your reliability as a parent.
If the other parent is making harmful accusations or attempting to alienate the child, it’s essential to document these actions and present them to the court through the proper legal channels. But retaliating rarely helps the outcome.
Prepare for Court Evaluations or Custody Investigations
In more challenging child custody cases, a judge may assign a guardian ad litem or custody evaluator to review the situation and report back to the court. These professionals speak with both parents and often the child before providing a recommendation to the judge.
Here’s how to handle the process:
Cooperate fully: Always respond to requests and attend scheduled meetings.
Be honest but focused: Stick to facts and avoid turning the evaluation into a complaint session about the other parent.
Show involvement: Discuss how you support your child’s schooling, routines, and emotional needs.
Ask questions if needed: You have the right to understand the process, as long as it’s done respectfully and constructively.
Custody evaluations can carry significant weight in the court’s final decision, so it’s important to treat them with care and seriousness. These professionals aren’t there to pick sides—they’re focused on what arrangement serves the child’s best interests.
Manage Parental Alienation and False Accusations
Some high-conflict custody cases involve attempts by one parent to turn the child against the other. In other cases, one party may falsely accuse the other of abuse, neglect, or other forms of misconduct to gain an advantage.
To handle this:
Document any interference: Record missed visits, negative comments the child repeats, or sudden changes in the child’s behavior after contact with the other parent.
Remain calm and consistent: Stick to your regular routines and continue to show up for the child.
Don’t engage in counter-attacks: Judges and evaluators often see through tactics meant to inflame rather than solve.
Work with your lawyer to respond legally: We can assist in filing motions, gathering evidence, or requesting court intervention when necessary.
This part of a child custody case can be especially difficult, but the most effective long-term strategy is to stay focused on the child, not the conflict.
Use the Court System Strategically
When parents can no longer find common ground, the legal system shouldn't be a battlefield. Instead, court hearings and legal filings become practical tools for moving forward. Every document we submit to the court is carefully crafted with one goal in mind: to serve the best interests of your child.
Examples of useful court actions include:
Requesting a custody modification: If new information affects the original agreement, a change may be justified.
Asking for temporary orders: These can cover visitation, holidays, or decision-making while the case is ongoing.
Filing for contempt: If the other parent violates an existing court order, this legal step may be needed.
Make every filing count. When you repeatedly submit aggressive motions, you risk looking like you're more interested in fighting than finding solutions—and judges notice this. Remember, the real victory isn't about proving who's right between two adults. It's about creating the best possible future for your child.
Prepare Financially and Emotionally
A high-conflict child custody case can last months or even years. Planning for the mental, emotional, and financial toll is part of responsible preparation.
Ways to stay steady include:
Creating a custody budget: Track legal costs, child-related expenses, and time off work.
Seeking therapy or counseling: Talking with a professional helps manage stress and focus on what matters most.
Leaning on support systems: Trusted family members, friends, or parenting groups can provide much-needed perspective and encouragement.
Prioritizing self-care: Rest, exercise, and healthy habits all make a difference in how you show up—for yourself and your child.
Even during the most heated court battle, children need at least one steady parent. The more we take care of ourselves, the more we can protect them from being swept up in the conflict.
Understand What a Judge May Decide
Pennsylvania courts have broad discretion in determining custody arrangements. There’s no standard formula that works for every case. The judge considers multiple factors, including:
Each parent’s involvement with the child
The child’s relationship with siblings or other relatives
Parental cooperation and willingness to encourage the child’s relationship with the other parent
History of abuse or substance issues
Any attempts to manipulate or mislead the court
Judges often prefer shared custody when it’s safe and reasonable, but they can assign primary or sole custody depending on the facts. The clearer your case is, the more confident the court can be in the decision.
Speak Honestly With Your Lawyer
Legal representation is more than just showing up to court—it’s about building a clear legal plan for your child custody case based on facts, evidence, and wise decisions. If the conflict is ongoing and unlikely to be resolved soon, regular check-ins with your lawyer help track progress and prepare for new developments.
That includes:
Discussing new incidents as they arise
Reviewing communication strategies with the other parent
Preparing for upcoming evaluations or hearings
Making adjustments to strategy when necessary
Throughout the process, it’s important to be transparent. The more your lawyer knows, the more effectively they can help.
Speak to Our Family Law Attorneys Today
If you're involved in a high-conflict child custody case, don’t wait to get legal guidance. At the Law Office of Shabbick & Stehle, we help clients prepare with the clarity and focus needed to protect their children and move forward. We serve clients in Bethlehem and Palmerton, Pennsylvania, and surrounding areas, including Lehigh County, Northampton County, and Carbon County. Call today to schedule a consultation.